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My Life in the Sunshine
An Autohagiography
February 20th, 2004 
Calling in sick is no fun when you are actually sick. :-(
We have Lost in Translation and American Pie: Collector's Edition.
I'm kind of a slow person, really. I feel like everything takes so long for me to figure out. I just watched Lost in Translation... watching Charlotte wander around, I remembered being young and at loose ends and not really certain what my contribution would be.

I am glad to be beyond that but I do sometimes wish I could be young and beautiful like Scarlett Johansen. Yes, middle aged women have their own beauty, but it's not quite the same.

My dad always lamented that he wished he would have known when he was young what he did when he got older. I always wanted him to tell me what that was, damn it! As I got older I began to understand.

Now I know that what the information I would have really liked to have when I was younger was a thorough understanding of my capabilities. Not of my talents per se, but of my limitations. My real limitations. (Intellect, energy, drive, persistence or lack thereof.) For a Protestant, especially a Finn, there is so much pressure to just work and never give up. If you only tried hard enough, you should be able to accomplish anything. It always felt as though any lack of success would be pure laziness, the trick was to find what you were good at, what you could offer to the world that would be special.

Nowadays, I don't think that anyone is called upon to contribute their talents to the world. But I wish I would have known what I do need to be able to give my best, and the things that I would never have been able to do. It would have been easier to work backwards from what I really couldn't or wouldn't want to do, rather than have the whole world of possibilities and spending years deciding and never doing. I remember feeling so much like I was not in touch with the world, like Nadja, just the first part of hope.


My other reaction to the movie is to decide that the next time someone has a karoke night anywhere close to me, I am going to go, and I am going to sing.

I'm bringing ear plugs for my friends, though. I could not carry a tune if someone held a gun to my head.
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