I have some rambling post in me about that, about how recently, for the last twenty years or so, I have often felt that people are either disappointed in my actions because I appear to be a lot cooler than I am or confused by my appearance and lifestyle because someone as cool as me, should have the outward trappings of someone, well, different.
:::flashes back to a party I attended in 1987. I was wearing a plain dress, no make-up. I didn't really have time or money to dress the part since I my life was a whirl of sex, reading, sex, ritual, sex, record shopping, and sex, leaving very little time for a social life or a job. It was probably one of the most dynamic and high growth periods of my life. This boy, an ex of a friend, was telling me about his well formulated plans for his "art career." He was wearing black paint splattered jeans with lots of metally things on them and he had these long dreadlocks and he went to exciting parties all the time and was probably getting laid a lot too but somehow I just knew he was not having as much fun as I was. Then he looked me up and down and said, "wow, you sure have gotten conservative." Meanwhile, I was thinking the exact same thing about him. To me, he was just so uptight because we both knew he'd painted his whole existence into a corner. :::
There's some conclusion to this post somewhere, I think I hid it under the bed. Perhaps Ziege can help me find it, something like, "No, it's not a phase."
Interestingly enough, when I was younger people used to try to think I was very different from them, now they see themselves in me. Either way, I kinda still feel like a misfit.