Things Gone and Things Still Here (jette) wrote,
Things Gone and Things Still Here

In the I-had-no-idea-I-would-turn-into-Andy-Rooney-this-young department

Channel 44 has stopped showing cartoons on weekday mornings. It was the last broadcast station in our area to show morning cartoons. You know how you get ready for school and then watch cartoons until it's time to go? As my co-worker put it, "cartoons are like coffee for children." Poor kids can't watch cartoons now, they are showing infomercials instead.

Of course, I called them up all irate and left a scathing voice mail. Surprisingly enough, the program director called me back, lamenting that the new regulations around children's programming (such as content and minutes of advertising allowed) were so byzantine that they pulled their children's programming completely until they could figure it out. *sigh* Poor guy.

So, now, for the first time in ten years, I am looking at cable television. I'm getting dizzy. Cable. Digital Cable. Minidishes. Premium packages. What the fuck is this Showtime Unlimited crap? Showtime Women? Showtime Family? Showtime Extreme? I had NO idea there was so very much Showtime! All the cable outlets are like this. The Learning Channel: Earwax. The Learning Channel: How Paint Dries. It's crazy. I am just going to continue to have the weird antenna thing sitting on the ground and get my four channels over the air.

What do you want from life

To kidnap an heiress

And threaten her with a knife

What do you want from life

To get cable TV

And watch it every night

There you sit...

A lump in your chair

Where do you sleep

And what do you wear when your sleeping.

What do you want from life

An Indian guru to show you the inner light

What do you want from life

A meaningless love afair with a girl that you met tonight

How can you tell when you're doing alright

Does your bank account swell while you're dreaming at night

How do you know when you're really in love

Do violins play when your touching the one that you're lovin'

What do you want from life

Someone to love and somebody you can trust

What do you want from life

To try and be happy while you do the nasty thing you must....

What do you want from life

What do you want from life

What do you want from life...

Well you can't have that but.....

If you're an American citizen you are entitled to a

Microwave oven (don't watch the food cook)

A kingsize, unsinkable Molly Brown waterbed

A foolproof plan and an airtight alibi

Real, simulated Indian jewelry

A gucci shoe tree

A years supply of antibiotics

Bob Dylan's new unlisted phone number

Rosemary's baby

A dream date in kneepad's with Paul Williams

A new matadore

A maverick, a mustang, a meteor, a mercedes

A mazda, a winnabego (hell, a herd of winnabego's - we're giving them away)

A Las Vegas Wedding, a Mexican divorce

or.....A baby's arm holding an apple
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